Dealbreakers

We all have them, and everyone has their needs and wants in a mate. Then there’s this.

1. Bad tattoos. Tattoos are hot as hell, I love them on a dude. But the second I see a god awful tattoo or better yet, a tribal tattoo…bye.

2. Bad taste in music. Sure, everyones different and you can’t have the exact taste in music, but its nice to have similar interests. If you listen to Rebecca black, Nickelback, Simple Plan, or ICP its going nowhere guy.

3. It looks like you skip leg day. I am not the fittest betch ever, but my calves be cray. I cannot have bigger legs than you. I’m not into stilts bro. Shit–that being said, I cannot have bigger biceps and triceps than you either.

4. You hate dogs. But you love cats? Nope. I’m a huge dog lover, got the best pup around. I hate cats too, and they hate me back.

5. You have bad teeth. If you smile at me and you have one tooth left, I can’t. Believe it or not this gorgeous smile of mine was once a hot mess. Shorty had vampire fangs, an extra row of teeth on the bottom, and it was a clusterfuck…I had to get 11 teeth taken out. You need a nice smile to make me smile. Fix that shit.

6. You drive a mini van or a chick car. I love men who drive trucks. But I can also hang with SUVs, sedans and jeeps. Over the summer I went on a date with a man who drove a mini cooper, I had to end it.

7. You think my name is Snapchat, and not Caroline. Literally, for some reason guys like to send me selfies. These aren’t even just dick pics–we’ve got fuckin mirror selfies. I’ve asked my friends if they get selfies, nope. I’m going to assume it’s because my crossfit gym labeled me as the “resident selfie queen”

8. Your eyebrows are better maintained than mine. Listen, I understand you gotta get a little tweeze or wax or what have you not, because nobody likes a unibrow. But if it looks like you got JLO brows circa 2002, nope. Also, manscaping is key 👌👌

9. You wear crocs. My ex had crocs. That was my first problem.

10. You drink your coffee “extra, extra”. You’re basic and filthy. No wonder why you have one tooth.